Tough day.

The hospital mailed the last MRI disk to us, which came today.

We've known for a few weeks now that Sierra's tumor was cancerous. I've written about it. I've talked about it. I've researched it. But I don't think it fully hit till we read the printed out report that was in the disk envelope. Maybe we were in denial...I don't know.

MALIGNANT NEOPLASM OF THE BRAIN. ASTROCYTOMA.

I know this probably seems weird, but reading this felt like strong kicks to the gut and heart as we read those words. Our walls, our strength, our hope, our very foundation suddenly feel shaken and unsteady, crushed under the weight of those first five words. I know this info doesn't change the outlook, or change the course of treatment, or change anything other than the fact that suddenly this new reality feels very, overwhelmingly real. Where we have felt strength and confidence, there is much more fear and uncertainty.

I hate cancer. I hate it. I hate it. I HATE it. In all it's forms. I especially hate the one that is taking up residence in my daughter.

Sierra is still struggling quite a bit. Yesterday was awful for her. Dizziness that left her stumbling around, holding onto the walls and furniture just to get across the room. Her face has been numb for the past week. Overall, the majority of the days have been a challenge lately. The moments where she feels 'okay', have been far and few in between. We try and remember that she's only five weeks out of major brain surgery. But it's hard to see her struggle, and to be helpless to make it better.

More meds were added to her list today to hopefully help with the dizziness, and possible seizures.

Tomorrow (Friday) she sees the urologist. Tomorrow she has physical therapy as well. Next Friday, we go back to Oakland to see the oncologist and Neurosurgeon and his crew.

Please continue to pray for her. Pray for the dizziness, numbness, and headaches to lessen, or go away. Pray that the lesion on her kidney has either gone away or hasn't changed at tomorrows appointment. Pray for her strength, her physical, emotional and mental health. And pray for our other babies, who are struggling with it all. Pray for Ken and I as we soak in this reality....that even though we've known, and this paper doesn't change a thing, that we can refocus, and continue to make the right decisions regarding Sierra and her care as best as we can.

Thanks.